Day 20 - 03/04/2026 I have slipped more times than I can count…the only thing that has been consistent so far is the amount of times I got back up…through panic and anxiety attacks…feeling like the world is caving in around me…to distracting myself once again with dopamine seeking…if it be doom scrolling or gaming…I'm …
Author: jhopferblog
Losing sight
02/19/2026 I feel so alone…emotionally starved…my nervous system continuously breaking and I'm left picking up the pieces for it to just keep breaking…it feels like the goals I have to look forward to are becoming less and less powerful and motivating to achieve…maybe because I was never really doing them for myself…maybe I was always …
A Needed Journey
Day 18 02/14/2026 I took a trip today that started bright an early…hiking pack ready to go, water filled…hiking boots on…and with my car keys in hand I set out for a long drive to visit a canyon I had been wanting to see for a few months now…it was a bitter sweet moment of …
My message to you…
I wore my heart on my sleeve for most of my life…and was rejected for doing so…I learned to avoid my emotions as a way to survive…but the little kid inside me was still very much emotionally anxious…anxiously attached to my loved ones…always looking for reassurance for my own self worth from others…from you. I’ve …
A Rough Morning
Day 16 02/08/2026 I couldn’t get her out of my head. I was stuck in my thoughts laying hopelessly in bed…praying…pleading that she’d reach back out…but it’s only been a week since she last left again…her sense of time is beyond mine…for her a week can feel like multiple…so maybe she’s already moved on from …
Love?
Day 15 - 02/06/2026 It's been a few days since my last kind of mental break…where I sunk back into a looping mess, tangled in a vine of self hatred. I think a lot of this is obviously unresolved trauma from my past…never truly feeling worthy enough from my father or mother…not to say that …
Healing or am I just looping?
Day 14 02/03/2026 It's been nearly a month since I've started this journey…and I feel like I'm back at square one…questioning my existence…reflecting unhealthily…wishing I could turn back time…maybe it's just a battle that I'm facing with my internal self…my old self and the person I'm trying to be…not to mention her and I rekindling …
A Step Back?
Day 13 02/01/2026 Once again I feel like I fell into a bad habit…fell back into naivety. We spent the weekend snowed in together…for better or worse. I thought for the better…I felt good about the progress I was starting to make and show within my own journey…even if it had only been a month…she …
New Beginnings
Day 12 - 01/26/2026 I haven't written in some time mostly because I've been obsessing over writing daily…which probably wasn't the healthiest however, I still believe it's what saved me. I no longer feel the emotional need every morning to distract myself by writing out my pain…because for the most part the intensity is gone. …
Courage
Day 11 - 01/21/2026 I feel like I finally have the courage to charge forth into this unknown future of mine. Not knowing what is meant to be is fine, as it allows me to not dwell on what could be but on what is. What I can change in this very moment about my …
JHopfer Blog - My Journal and Accountability 