Day 20 – 03/04/2026

I have slipped more times than I can count…the only thing that has been consistent so far is the amount of times I got back up…through panic and anxiety attacks…feeling like the world is caving in around me…to distracting myself once again with dopamine seeking…if it be doom scrolling or gaming…I’m not really ashamed of it like I was before…because I recognized that my mind body and soul was under great strain and I broke a little…but now I’m back…

My mind even if it were for a couple days was in a spiral…but I climbed out…

My body tired but I still got out of bed and made it on my walk…a workout at the gym…

My soul searching for answers in the great vast universe that we reside in…losing hope from time to time…

I thought to myself the other day that I was proud that I’ve made it 2 months through the madness that is my mind…sought help and reached my hand out for me to then be lifted by so many…but it’s not just pride…sure I achieved what I didn’t think I could have within 2 months…but even more so it’s gratitude towards myself, towards my friends, family, towards the universe…God…whatever one may believe in. For once in my life I feel like I have given myself true grace consistently for these 2 months…and I feel stronger in both spirit and body than ever.

My mind however is still wavering at times…my consistency to write has been lackluster…maybe because I felt like the need wasn’t there…which may be a good sign…I do however wish I kept up with it a little more…because as I write this to myself…to the world…I can’t help but smile…even if it is faint…I am truly enjoying living again…even when times are rough and darkness sweeps over my head…I can now at least always see the light…

This is almost exactly the product of small daily wins…consistency over giant progress done in single days…I have years to evolve and grow…years to find inner peace and to continue to learn about myself…the biggest change is in the fact that I want to learn more about myself…where as in the past all I ever wanted to do was run away…

So thank you for reading…but also I wanted to give thanks to myself, grace, for writing…for expressing myself once again…to love myself…to take care of myself.